where’d you go? i miss you so…

Firstly, I would like to share the song that inspired this post – Where’d You Go by Fort Minor. It is rap and there is swearing (nothing else though), so if you’re offended by either of those things, you may want to pass on listening to it. But it is VERY well-written and worthwhile, and if you don’t listen, at least look up the lyrics. In fact, look up the band too – they’ve got some good stuff.

Anyway… enough with the advertising… back to the post. The song got me thinking about my family “situation” and ┬ámy life in general. (I will add in advance that I am not feeling the least bit angsty at the moment… on the contrary, I just got to rap and I am quite pleased with life. ^_^)

To preface: my family situation. My mom and dad seperated when I was two, divorced when I was… 12? 13? Something like that. My dad remarried a few years ago, and now has two children with my stepmother (and I have a personal suspicion there’ll be more on the way).

I always felt like I should be angsting over this (is angsting even a word?). I always felt that I should be miserable about it, and hate everyone involved.

And the funny thing is… I really just don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel like I missed out on having a dad, and sometimes I dislike individual things about all three parents (and yes, I do consider myself to have three parents – sorry if that offends anyone)… but on the whole, I love my entire family like crazy. I never had delusions that my parents would get back together, even after watching that Lindsay Lohan movie. It just wasn’t the way the world worked. I was comfortable with that.

And sure – I’ve had sad moments. I’ve had angry moments. I’ve written a grand total of two angsty songs about it, and I’m proud to say they weren’t complete crap. But when I look at the entire situation and the way things have turned out, I am happy. I am satisfied with my family. I have two siblings I would die for, one sibling I can usually avoid strangling (but I’ll probably write more about that some other time), a mom who has managed to play both parental roles admirably, a father who listens to me rant and will give me real-world advice, and a stepmom with whom I am forging a tentative bond and whom I really enjoy.

I never in my life have thought for a second that I was unloved. I may have thought at times that the world would be better off without me, or that “they’d get over it” if anything happened to me, but I never even entertained the idea that no one loved me, for that is simply not true and never has been.

To conclude what had been an unusually organized post (for me), I would like to tell my family that they’re awesome, and I love them, and I miss them. (Except the ones I live with. I don’t miss them. At all. xD)

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2 thoughts on “where’d you go? i miss you so…

  1. leesis October 13, 2010 / 12:49 AM

    hey Hannah love your post.

  2. Vern December 8, 2010 / 8:28 PM

    ha! Awesome… like you – dad split early, and I was oldest child. I was occasionally angry about it – but you know, I realized – I didn’t need a dad. Overall – I grew up fine. Sure I was frivolous, misguided, and entirely self-directed – but, it worked for me.

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